So, I announced I was pregnant, I wrote a few posts, and then I disappeared. When I started this blog, my plan was for it to be all about the wonder and joy of bringing a new life into the world, blah blah blah.

The truth is, I’ve been miserable. Unrelenting morning sickness which is completely resistant to ginger, mint, cinnamon, saltines, grapes, regular small proteins, and every other suggestion I’ve gotten. I’ve been exhausted and sleeping on the order of 12-14 hours a day. I’ve been terrified of miscarriage and twins and everything in between. I’ve felt like I should be excited but instead I’ve just been scared and overwhelmed. In short, the first 15 weeks were just not what I expected. I didn’t want to write about it, and I’m quite sure you didn’t want to read about it.

And now we enter week 16. According to my weekly almost-spam email, the baby is the size of an avocado and has toenails:

What my baby looks like RIGHT NOW

Last time I got an ultrasound (about 3 weeks ago) I was able to make out more than a white blob. I was able to see arms and a jawbone, so I’m pretty sure it’s not actually an avocado. Whew!

In general, things are starting to look up for me. My first trimester screening (for risk factors on various trisomies) came back awesome. I had my first group prenatal appointment (more about that in a minute) and all measurements pointed to everything being normal and healthy. I’m starting to show a little bit, and for some reason that’s making a huge difference in my mental state. I’ve gotten a few “glowing” comments, and my nausea is receding to intermittent. I’m finding effective ways to cope with my forgetfulness. And did I mention I had my first group prenatal appointment? I’m going to start calling it “Centering,” since that’s what the birthing center calls it.

The idea is, you meet with the same group of first-time expecting parents every month, with 2-3 midwives there to lead discussion and teach stuff. At the beginning of this two hour appointment, the couples all sit around on couches and comfy chairs sharing snacks while people are brought back one by one (well, two by two) to have a doppler listen, weight and fundal height (yeah, I had to look that up) check, etc etc. The idea is to keep all but the most personal questions until the group session, so that other people with the same questions can hear the answer, and everyone can talk about things together. Then we all go sit in a circle and talk about whatever topic is lined up. Topics include things we would normally be taking evening classes on. There will be classes on partnering (Bradley method, etc), breast feeding, how to take care of a newborn, all that stuff. The first meeting was about exercise and nutrition. I’m pretty sure that this was a carefully selected topic, intended as an ice breaker. What better way to get a group of pregnant woman talking to each other than bringing them in just before lunch time and having them talk about food? My group is currently 5 couples, from a variety of backgrounds, ages, etc. Despite the diversity in the group, they all sounded pretty much like us. It was nice to hear how these other couples were dealing with feeling overwhelmed and frightened, and how relieved everyone was to be through the worst of the miscarriage fears. It definitely also helped make everything seem possible.

I am ready for the awesomeness that the second trimester is supposed to be!

Well, the answer to that is apparently, “me.” Because I was really excited to upload the ultrasound pictures I got earlier this week, but I was not given any digital media. So I have this oddly shaped piece of slippery paper and no way to convert it to something I can post. Well, I suppose I could take a picture of it with a digital camera/phone but that seems so inferior! I tried anyway, but the same thing that make the paper slippery make it too shiny for a decent picture. So it looks like I’ll have to dig up a scanner somewhere if I want to share my ultrasound pictures. Which, I’ll be honest, don’t look much like a baby yet. It’s much more interesting when it’s live and you can see the heart beating (we got to listen to it, and see it’s little rhythm on the screen! It looks… like a heartbeat). Which is craaaayzee to me, still. I’m growing a little human! Inside me! Weird!

I’ll see if I can find a scanner some time this weekend at home or next week at work.

This is what used to be the door marked “do not open”

I think this pair of signs I saw in the basement of the physics building speak for themselves.

So, about 2 months ago, I quit my highly stressful, highly social, cube farm job and got a job at a university, where I have my own office and responsibilities that last for months rather than minutes or at most days. I’m way less stressed, but a little more lonely. At my new job, my department is split across something like 6 buildings while our new building is being built. It should be done by December. In the mean time, I am spending a fair amount of time in the basement of the engineering building, which is apparently very old. And full of things that were too expensive or cumbersome to throw away. I am also occasionally in the chemistry building, which has the same issues. So today I’ve decided to begin a new series: Weird Shit I Found At Work. I’m going to start slow with a picture of an old water fountain:

This thing still dispenses clear liquid. I am not sure if you could pay me enough to drink it, although I saw a guy filling his water bottle at it. I think it looks like a baby urinal.

Last night I dreamt that I am pregnant. I’m in that two-week period where it’s possible but no test would show as positive yet. I can’t imagine how people used to wonder for months on end, before pregnancy tests were accurate enough to tell at the very first missed period. Anyway, I woke up with a delightful hopefulness. I’m back to normal now, since it would suck to convince myself I am only to find out in another week and a half that I’m not.

My Children’s Lit class is over and it went very well. Even a catastrophic grade on my final would leave me sitting with a solid B. On top of that, two awesome things happened at work yesterday, and then a dear friend of mine asked me to stage manage/board op for a comedy running in December. So excited for life!

And here’s a video of Sarah eating her new ferret food out of my hand, which is a first!

Also, it’s payday Friday! 😀

I am feeling very overwhelmed by schoolwork. I’m averaging about two hours a day on it, which I think is about appropriate, but those two hours can get pretty gruelling after a day of work.

Plus, so far nothing’s happening in the land of trying to get pregnant, so I don’t have a lot to talk about yet.

I am, in my soul, a reader.

I grew up in a house full of love and books, and everyone I meet falls into one of two categories. They either Don’t Get It, or they Do. This is true for both love and for books, and often (though not always) both at the same time. Today, I have been thinking about books. The house I grew up in is full to bursting with books. (aside: In my experience, the love of a family such as mine cannot burst, but books are still physical things and even libraries run out of space. But love is for another post.) There are books in shelves, on dressers, stacked in the hallway. They are organized by subject, by author, by preference. Every bedroom and every common area has at least one bookshelf. Every transitionary space has books waiting to find a bookshelf. My nephew, perhaps both my nephews by now, has been holding books upside-down and backwards since long before he could read, in that ever-present human mimicry that spawned the phrase, “Monkey see, monkey do.” Read the rest of this entry

While sound asleep, Papa T. just announced, “You so craaazy!”