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2013 January - This Will Be Funny Later

Archive for January, 2013

To new mom me:

Read this. Don’t bother with the rest of the site yet.

 

Normal aches and pains

There should really be a list of the types of pains that are “normal” in pregnancy. I imagine useful pregnancy week-by-week emails would look something like this:

  • This week, you should start having trouble bending over while sitting! Stop dropping things if they’re important.
  • This week, you can finally see your belly over that enormous rack you’ve developed! Woo boobies!
  • This week, you will no longer be able to get out of big, poofy, comfy chairs without assistance! Consider investing in a helper monkey now to get the most monkey help for your buck.
  • This week, you may begin to feel like your uterus has been replaced with a punching bag! Try playing Gonna Fly Now to increase your chances of an athletic baby.
  • This week, expect trouble getting shoes onto your sausagefeet! I hope it’s warm enough for flip flops. If not, you can always declare to the world that you’ve given up and wear crocs.

The exclamation marks are to make it all seem more exciting, since no longer will pregnant women be regaled with all the fruits and vegetables that their fetuses resemble (by the way, this week it’s a banana with eyelids). But seriously, even in my happy, healthy, everything-is-awesome (yay for hormones) pregnancy, these weird twinges and aches and cramps are just unnerving. Is she really kicking me in the cervix, or has something gone horribly wrong? Am I supposed to pee this much, or do I have a UTI? When they say call for severe pain, how severe does it have to be, since being stabbed in the round ligaments apparently doesn’t count?

Someone needs¬† to get on this. Because googling for any pain and combining it with the word “pregnancy” is a recipe for a completely unnecessary trip to the ER.

Happy Halfways!

I am officially 20 weeks in! Which is only sort of meaningful. Technically I am halfway through, although it’s not as cut and dried as I once thought. The date this all started is a little squidgier than I used to think, and the due date is also more like a rough estimate. I’m okay with that, and still thrilled to be officially halfway through! If only I would only get twice as uncomfortable in the second half as I am right now. I’m sure that is not to be, however. Things (organs, skin, etc) all feel stretched about as far as it can go comfortably, and maybe just a little bit past. I feel like I went to an all you can eat buffet determined to get my money’s worth, except instead of food I am full of baby. So the next few months will doubtless be increasingly uncomfortable. So far, now that the nausea has gone, I’ve had very few other pregnancy pains. An increase in my restless legs has been noticeable but so far tolerable, and my back definitely hurts when I have been sitting too long and stand up, but that’s pretty much it. I guess this is what the second trimester is supposed to be all about! Whee!

The other big news at week 20 is that it’s time for the standard anatomy test, where you go in for an ultrasound and they make sure all the major organs are where they should be. I again felt like I was expected to be more enamored of hearing the baby’s heartbeat than I am, and so I dutifully expressed awe and joy at the sound. Even though hey, any second I can actually SEE the baby! Which is way more exciting. I mean, it’s an interesting sound, but I haven’t been worrying it stopped since the last time I heard it. To me it’s more, “Yep, still there, sounds good to you? Good, because I can’t tell.” Much like the rest of the things they do to check that my pregnancy is progressing well. I am not going to get all dewy eyed at my fundal height. But seeing the ultrasound as it’s being done is something else. Something totally incredible that doesn’t translate to the still shots they print out.

The thing F was most excited for, the gender check, also happens at the 20 week anatomy test. I was nervous, but not very, since I’ve felt so strongly from the very beginning that it was a boy.¬† So you know, I expected it to find out and that would be that. I was absolutely shocked to hear that we’re having a girl! I guess on all the occasions where my nephews wore tiny little suits and looked like adorable little tiny adults, I will dress her in little tiny dresses. I’m still figuring out how I feel about that, but it’s mostly excited :).

And my lunch hour is just about over. So here’s my favorite of the last round of ultrasound pics! Don’t mind the silly caption…

 

ultrasound number yay

Note: We did not choose “Hi Everybody ** I’m A Girl!”

Oh yes. And for those of you not familiar with how to turn those grey and black and white blobs into anything resembling a baby… the blob on the left is her head in profile, looking up. Because the ultrasound is a 2D look at a 3D being, sometimes they look a little weird. I can make out the face profile, and what is either a hand as she sucks her thumb (she did a lot of that during the ultrasound, or they might have gotten a 3D picture of her face) or a blob of … I dunno. Cord? placenta? Whatever the hell else floats around in there with her? But anyway. That’s her face in profile and the blob on the right is torso (I assume). You do not need to claim she is adorable. I am just proud of her for starting to look human! Hooray humanity!

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