Archive for November, 2011

If it’s gonna take a while

If it’s going to take longer than expected to get pregnant, I’ve gotta say… Good beer is a pretty awesome consolation prize.

Rattling Car

Ever gotten in a car where at a certain speed it rattles and shakes so hard, you feel like it’s going to fly apart in a thousand directions? Sometimes, depression is just like that. I know that if I could go faster or slower, maybe this dreadful sensation that I’m about to lose my grip on everything will ease, but the traffic is going 55 all around me so I just need to have faith that things feel worse than they are. I must not fly apart. Traffic will speed back up to 60 soon.

I don’t like to talk about work on this blog so I can’t get into specifics. But right now I have so much anger and pain, so much frustration and rejection. I feel like I just got dumped and at the same time I have the sick sinking tingle in my stomach that I get when I’m about to dump someone I still love. I feel like I’ve been lied to and everyone’s pretending it’s the truth. I thought I could turn right but I missed my turn, and now I have to take three lefts in heavy traffic.

I hate the generic analogy I am using. I regret painting myself into this corner of refusing to talk specifically about a job that is so much a part of my life. But I just can’t shake this feeling and I had to get some of it out. The right path is not always the easiest, and I’m not good at dealing with rejection.