I’ve had an introspective day. Thinking about how strange it felt to be pregnant. I was so sick at first, and so excited. The life within me was so strange and new and scary. And then when she was a newborn, everything was just fear and pain. I remember thinking after the first few days, “what am I going to do with her until the next time we’re supposed to check in with a doctor?” Then getting my PPD under control and relaxing into motherhood a little bit, then getting into the new daycare… now she’s walking and talking and expressing all kinds of opinions about things, and I’m really starting to trust myself, believe that I can generally just do this.

It started because yesterday, she pooped on the potty! A huge milestone! And she couldn’t seem to care much less. I asked her if she pooped at school (knowing full well she did, trying to work on quizzing her when I know the answer). She said she didn’t, and I said I heard she pooped in the potty! And she was just kind of like, “oh yeah. I did.” I was expecting more excitement! I said I heard it was a big poopoo! and she said, “No, little poopoo” and didn’t want to talk about it. Okay, that’s… weird but not a problem. So we moved on. I’m still excited! And anyway, while I was putting her to bed I was thinking about that interaction, and realizing that I am not going about potty training the way I’ve read you are “supposed” to. I’m not doing a sticker chart or giving her mms or ripping off the bandaid and just switching to underwear one day over a long weekend. I’m just kinda letting things progress the way they seem to be progressing. Two years ago, a year ago, maybe even 6 months ago, I couldn’t do this. I spend so much time researching every aspect of everything, that it’s weird to be just doing whatever works for us, whatever we’re doing. It feels good! But also weird. I just never really got around to figuring out exactly what options there are for potty training and researching them all and choosing one. I have to say, I feel like what we’re doing is going pretty well. At school she’s starting to tell the teachers she needs to go while she’s got a diaper on. At home, we’re skipping diapers a lot of the time (but not all the time and not in any particular way… sometimes I’ll just take off her wet diaper and not put another diaper on her). We’re not putting underwear on but are letting her run around either bottomless or with her shorts/pants/skirt on. She is doing a pretty darned good job of announcing needing to go! Sometimes she has a bit of a dribble before she says, “Potty! potty! potty!” but most of the time she catches it and we all rush to the potty. The other night she was excited to be hanging out with Daddy and did have an accident, which she was upset about (way more upset than either of us!). I told her it was okay and that accidents happen, and we took off her shorts and since we were heading to the bath anyway, just went to the bath.

She’s started declaring that she’s too heavy for me to carry. Which is strange to me. I’ve never told her she’s too heavy to carry (she’s not, at least not for me) and I’ve never heard Dad say it either. I can’t figure out if they tell her that at school, or where she’s getting it. I would be fine if she said she didn’t want me to carry her, but for some reason it bothers me when I ask if she wants to walk or be carried and she says that she wants to be carried and then changes her mind because she’s too heavy. Maybe because I don’t want her to be denying herself something she wants? I mean, no she can’t have as much pudding as she wants, but I’m always happy to carry her until my arms get too tired. Or maybe she’s coming to the realization that she’s bigger than most kids her age, which is going to be something she struggles with for a long time and I want to let her live free of that struggle for as long as possible? I don’t know. The most likely explanation is that I enjoy carrying her and I’m overthinking this.

I finished the swingset and we’ve been out there so much! I love it. I love having a back yard that we can spend so much time in! We are going through bug spray like crazy though. So far this summer, I’ve been able to wear DEET as long as I wash after we come in, and baby wipes seem to be enough of a “wash.”

Parenthood is so amazing and fantastic 🙂