For those following along, going to work has been replaced with going to a brunch of some sort. Also, since I can’t help but edit as I go along, the script is already slightly different in other (minor) ways.

BENJAMIN

She’ll be fine! She’s a cat, they’re resourceful.

NICOLE

I just don’t want her to get hurt.

BENJAMIN

Nicole, seriously. What could happen to her in this neighborhood? She’s terrified of inanimate objects, much less anything that might move!

NICOLE

How is this neighborhood any different from any other? She could get hit by a car, or some kids could decide to pick her up by the tail, or she could get in a fight with a dog, or…

BENJAMIN

Like the next-door neighbor’s poodle? Anyway, I’m sure she fell asleep hiding in the closet. Quit fussing.

NICOLE

I’m going to go look. (exits towards bathroom)

BENJAMIN

Nicole… (sighs in exasperation) Okay, fine. I’ll make another pot of coffee.

(A loud honking outside. BENJAMIN looks where he hid his cigarettes but can’t find them. He starts looking around the apartment for them.)

NICOLE

(Entering) She’s not in the closet. Is this pot any better?

(More honking, followed by someone shouting)

BENJAMIN

We have pot? This brunch just got more interesting.

NICOLE

Pot of coffee! Hellooo, good morning Ben! What have you been doing while I was looking for Mittens? Besides, I thought you gave all that up when we moved in together.

BENJAMIN

I was um, looking for Mittens too! I didn’t find her.

(Another honk, this one very long)

BENJAMIN

What is going on out there anyway?

NICOLE

Where?

BENJAMIN

Outside! Someone’s been honking out there for like five minutes.

NICOLE

No, I meant Mittens. Where did you look? Maybe we should split up to search.

BENJAMIN

Oh! I um, I checked the.. under the bed. Don’t you think it’s a bit much to split up to search a one bedroom apartment for one neurotically reclusive tabby cat?

NICOLE

She’s not neurotic! What do you have against my cat, anyway?

BENJAMIN

Nothing! She’s fine, for a cat!

NICOLE

Say something nice about her then.

BENJAMIN

What?

NICOLE

Say something nice about Mittens!

BENJAMIN

Oh for God’s sake, Nicole.

NICOLE

Don’t you forgodsake me!

BENJAMIN

Okay, okay. I’m sorry sweetie. Mittens is a very …pretty cat.

NICOLE

I really hope she didn’t get out.

(A loud banging on the door)

BENJAMIN

Were you expecting someone?

NICOLE

No, of course not! I was planning a nice calm day of shopping and drinking mimosas!

(Banging is more insistent)

BENJAMIN

You gonna get that?

(Nicole heads to the door, but on her way there steps firmly into a still-moist pile of cat puke)

NICOLE

Ewwww!