Truly thankful

I am so thankful for every sweet moment with her. For my sweet, beautiful, healthy little baby girl. I didn’t know that motherhood would be made of this. I thought it would be full of first steps and exciting changes, but it’s not. It’s about the little moments every day that gradually accrete into the deepest bond I’ve ever felt with another human being. It’s about learning each other and enjoying just being together. She gets excited when we head to the bedroom to nurse, and my breasts start dripping too. She smiles like I’m made of sunshine when she sees me, and I know I do the same when I see her. The smells and sounds and feelings of just cuddling with her make me feel complete.

Motherhood isn’t all big dramatic moments. It’s being home base, being safety and comfort and joy to someone just learning about the world. It’s treasuring one small moment at a time. It’s amazing.

Edit: ps. And mom, you’re still home base to me 🙂

Milestone Monday: 19 weeks

– Rolled over by herself, both back to front and front to back! Front to back is more popular, with 5 rolls so far compared to one.

– Slept 5 hours straight. Sleeping through the night is so tantalizingly close!

– First restaurant excursion! She was extremely good. She did manage to pee all over everything she was wearing while on the awkwardly located changing table (it blocked 2/3 stalls in a busy bathroom), necessitating a complete outfit change. That only sucked because she was afraid of the hand dryer so she cried every time someone dried their hands. Also the people waiting for me and my naked crying daughter to get out of the way. Otherwise she didn’t cry or make a scene at all! She was very pleasant for 4 hours in public without eating or sleeping. It was nice to catch up with my uncle, aunt, and cousin.

– Reaching for food? I couldn’t tell if she was reaching for my strawberries because they were red, or because they were food. She is, however:

– Watching mom eat. Avidly.

Milestone Monday: 18 weeks

Things are moving so fast! I swear it was just last week that I found that disgusting, shriveled up little bit of cord in the toe of her sleeper. I remember telling myself it would get better when she smiled at me and that surely it would be any day. Today, she’s smiling and cooing and nursing like a champ. (And yes, those first few rare smiles made life more bearable). I feel like I can’t even track how fast she’s changing, so I’m going to try a new experiment: Milestone Monday.

Obviously she doesn’t reach a new milestone every week, but the alliteration was too good to pass up. So maybe I can start posting what’s new every Monday? We will see how it goes.

This week, she started lifting up her feet one at a time while standing (standing with help). Twice on Saturday, she “walked” over to Fee line this! It was very exciting for everyone.

During tummy time, she has finally started smiling. She also almost has the hang of rolling over, but she plants her hands a little too wide.

She fusses now if you lie her on her back. She can’t quite sit or stand on her own, which means she’s a lot of work! But that’s ok. It’s adorable.

She grabs for things in the book during bedtime story.

When she blows raspberries, it’s to express annoyance or frustration. This girl is ready to take on the world!

That’s all I can think of for this week.

J’s Discant

8/15/2013
You are a melody,
sailing high and sweet into this world
fresh and pure like the flutists solo.
I, your harmony
enfolding you in the thrumming joy
of my love for you.

Counterpoints we have known
and falters in our rhythm
but the metronome beat
of our hearts
has always aligned.

The tune is ever changing
we will swirl closer
then further
but always return
to each other.

You have made me sing
a song of love deeper
than any I have ever known.

Fever

Saturday night, Jet had a lot of trouble sleeping because she was both very congested and gassy. Sunday morning, she threw up all over me, and soon after had a round of diarrhea. This was enough to convince me to take her temperature (100.2), which was enough to convince me to call the nurse line, who told me to come in. So we saw the doctor, who said it was probably just a virus and we just needed to keep an eye on the fever, make sure she had enough wet diapers, and use saline drops in her nose. Call if the fever hits 100.4. Hooray no antibiotics!

So I took my fussy little munchkin home and put saline in her nose and let her sleep on me instead of in her crib. She had a good nap and was mostly back to her sunny little self. A little quicker to cry when she needed something, but otherwise acting fine. At 8pm, her fever hit 100.4. I wouldn’t say I freaked out, but I definitely called the nurse line without hesitation. Finally our choice of pediatrician has paid off! They said to call back if it goes to100.5, but that100.4 was still okay, and to let her sleep rather than wake her for rectal temps. So I called in to work and called her in from school, and put her to bed.

Through the night her temp stayed down, and this morning (Monday) she was back below 99 and while congested and clingy, otherwise acting totally normal.

Tomorrow she goes back to school, barring another fever tonight. In short, this has been the easiest and least scary first time my child got sick I could have hoped for. Yay!

Cherish

So I’m not the best mommyblogger out there. It’s okay. I don’t make money on it and I never will. It’s been a long time since I posted, which seems to be kind of how I do things. I’m hoping to write my birth story soon, before it fades any further from my memory. Parts of it are etched there forever but other parts are already foggy.

Last night I wrote a poem during our 3am nursing session. It still needs some polishing. So instead, here’s a poem I wrote on 6/9/2013, when my daughter was just 2.5 weeks old. At the time we were still struggling with breastfeeding, and sleeping on the couch with her on my chest. Those nights were hard and my whole body was hurting from motherhood, but even then my heart was expanding like the big bang had gone off inside me. There’s no other way to hold on to so much love as I have now other than to have my whole world shift and churn and grow to accommodate it. I was terrified every moment for this fragile new life I held in my arms 24 hours a day. I digress. To the (possibly mediocre, I could never judge my own writing) poetry with bad spacing because I can’t figure out how to have a single carriage return:

Cherish

I hope I never forget this.
The smell of her
with her heavy head pillowed
on one aching breast
and her milksweet warmth pressing
against me in sleep.

 

Her breath is uneven.
Her so-small fingertips wriggle
unconsciously against my skin and
clutch the edges of our blanket.

 

I should be sleeping like her
but I am so filled with wonder
at her
and all she was is will be.

 

I want to frame this moment,
hold it fresh in my mind forever.
I am sleeping with the tiniest perfection.
And I cherish her.
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