Feeling relaxed

I had a pretty long day today, partly due to insufficient sleep last night. I wasn’t ready to go to bed at bedtime, so instead I finished my book. Right before I was going to head to bed, I checked FB one last time. I saw one post stating Obama was dead, and I freaked out a little. I scrolled down to see what other people were saying, but it was mostly just excitement about something. Wide awake, I turned on the TV. I’m very very glad Obama is not actually dead, and that it was a simple typo/autocorrect. But then I watched the news for a while before slinking off to bed. So now I am sleepy and relaxed and very very content with the weather (56 and drizzly). Why doesn’t Texas have more weather like this? Once my chinese delivery shows up, my life (or at least my evening) will be complete.

I wonder if I should go find out what one of the ferrets is into. It sounds like it might be the pots and pans…

The Intrepid Explorer Returns

Fee came walking around the corner of the house this morning, totally unfazed and apparently looking for breakfast and a comfy place to curl up for a nap. And now I know what to spend that gift card on. A microchip and collar are coming soon to a cat near you.

Fee is missing

I’m worried sick and can’t sleep. He’s probably okay, and only been gone at most a couple hours. It’s too late to go outside and call for him, although I tried a little bit. I’m trying to remember the last time I saw him. It was a few hours ago, just before we watched the latest Doctor Who. I took the trash out right afterwards, and I definitely haven’t seen him since then.

We got Hermia back when she got out that one time. And Sarah too. And cats are far more resourceful than goofy, innocent little ferrets. But I still feel like I’ve swallowed a mountain, and since I called in sick to work today I don’t know how I could possibly do so again tomorrow.

I can’t do much tonight. I should go to bed so I can get up early to look for him. But I just can’t sleep.

 

Security settings

I’m still trying to make this blog accessible to real people but not spambots. I’ve turned off the password protection that was prompting (rather rudely) for people to enter a username/password when looking at the blog. It was an unintended consequence of password-protecting my admin area that I can’t figure out how to fix. Dad, I know you’ve been having some problems commenting. I’ll see if I can get around that next. If anyone has trouble commenting, please email me at mamatriumphant gmail com and I’ll see if I can get you straightened out.

I thought 32 would be awesome

Throughout my life, I’ve felt like there were years that would just somehow be better or worse than others. 27 was slated to be an amazing year since the age of 13 or so, and indeed it was an excellent year. 32 was supposed to be another fantastic year. So far, it feels like it’s not living up to expectations. Sparked by some extremely difficult times at work, I’ve instead found myself struggling through a (hopefully relatively minor) spell of depression. I’m somewhat regretting having already chosen to Not Talk About Work here. I thought I was on top of things in my life, but I feel very out of control. The pressure of ScriptFrenzy has turned out to be too much for me, and my guilt at my own inability to write at the end of 9 hours of barely-hanging-on every day has seriously undermined my ability to update this blog. I’ve been reading Fosterhood in NYC (I’d been savoring it but have now caught up) and decided to try and take a page from Rebecca’s book and just post about inconsequentialiaties (is that a word?) for a while. I’m fascinated by her, her lifestyle choices, and her strength. So I’m just going to try little posts for a while in hopes that I can get back into this.

This week, the big decision has been whether to take the $100 gift card I got at work and: a) buy an $100 Amazon.com gift card for myself for future minor purchases, b) put it towards buying a gas grill so I can stop struggling with charcoal, or c) buying myself a decent pressure cooker. I don’t really want to feel like I frittered the card away on little purchases, although I expect most of them would be books about pregnancy and child rearing. A hundred dollars doesn’t quite make a decent grill affordable, so I would still be spending another hundred+ on the grill. And I can’t imagine what I’d use a pressure cooker for besides corned beef and cabbage. So the card is just sitting in my wallet for now.

I also found out that I might be able to take 12 weeks of maternity leave instead of 6, which is pretty awesome! Maybe, like 27, I’ll find the joy in 32 a little bit later in the year (I got married right before I turned 28). I’d like to have 6 months, but I don’t know that there’s anywhere out there that would offer so much. And not entirely sure I want to know either; I feel pretty trapped already by the knowledge that no one would hire a pregnant woman and FMLA wouldn’t help me at a new job at this point.

I’m starting to mope out loud (ish) aren’t I? That’s enough of that.

Day 3, pages 6-9

For those following along, going to work has been replaced with going to a brunch of some sort. Also, since I can’t help but edit as I go along, the script is already slightly different in other (minor) ways.

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Frenzy 2011

As you may or may not know, this year I’m attempting to participate in ScriptFrenzy.  That means a lot of this month’s updates will be bits and pieces of a script, or if things don’t go quite as planned, multiple scripts. The first installment is today. So far I’m at 6 pages! Please forgive formatting; converting to HTML is a pain.

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Feed My Soul

I belong to a theatre company. Sometimes I feel like I’m not a very valuable member, since I have no formal education in the subject, am not the best actor out there, and have never written a play in my life. On the one hand, it takes the personal pressure off me. I had to take about two years off while I was working nights, and although I regret that I’ve never felt any judgment from this group. Which is rather a feat, since about once a week I feel like even the doorknob judges how I twist it so carelessly. I just work that way, frustrating as it can be to everyone.

But anyway. every couple of weeks we get together for either a planning meeting or a social meeting. Every time, I come home feeling fulfilled in an artistic way that my work has never given me. I consider myself a writer, and although many of the jobs I’ve had in the past require at least a grasp of the basics of English, none of them have really pushed my writing skills themselves. Tonight was a social meeting at the Draught House Pub and Brewery, and only a few of us made it. We talked about how to push the company forward in terms of the works we produce and how to bring it back in house. Such discussions can quickly get out of hand with too many people, so I’m very glad it was a smaller group. Talking about what motivates a writer, how we can come together as a group to come up with a play, and a concrete plan to begin pushing towards our goals was emotionally and intellectually satisfying. It reminded me of a writing group I used to belong to, and how good it would feel to put something out there for a workshop again one day.

I just wanted to capture the feeling before bed. And remind/inform you that I will be participating in Script Frenzy 2011, so please be prepared for the script to be taking place, warts and all, here. As of right now, it officially begins in 51 hours!

And now to bed, because holy hell it is late.

Sleeeepy

Well it’s been a long couple of weeks. Life isn’t always easy, but that’s how it goes. I made a decision when I started this blog not to talk about work, because that’s a great way to not have a job anymore. Just ask dooce. But today has been one of the most emotionally draining days I’ve had in a very, very long time. The good news is I honestly think I can pull through and come out on top. After I push through just a couple more anxiety attacks I’m sure I’ll be able to prove my worth in my usual rockstar fashion. Until then, well, I’ll be keeping Papa T. on his toes. Read the rest of this entry

Plenty Soon

Instead of writing I have been hanging curtains, fixing dishwashers, replacing hard-to-reach lights, changing out showerheads, fixing leaky toilets, rearranging furniture, and going to Seaworld. None of which I documented well, so I’ll makeup for it soon by posting Grandma T’s muffin recipe :).

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