Throughout my life, I’ve felt like there were years that would just somehow be better or worse than others. 27 was slated to be an amazing year since the age of 13 or so, and indeed it was an excellent year. 32 was supposed to be another fantastic year. So far, it feels like it’s not living up to expectations. Sparked by some extremely difficult times at work, I’ve instead found myself struggling through a (hopefully relatively minor) spell of depression. I’m somewhat regretting having already chosen to Not Talk About Work here. I thought I was on top of things in my life, but I feel very out of control. The pressure of ScriptFrenzy has turned out to be too much for me, and my guilt at my own inability to write at the end of 9 hours of barely-hanging-on every day has seriously undermined my ability to update this blog. I’ve been reading Fosterhood in NYC (I’d been savoring it but have now caught up) and decided to try and take a page from Rebecca’s book and just post about inconsequentialiaties (is that a word?) for a while. I’m fascinated by her, her lifestyle choices, and her strength. So I’m just going to try little posts for a while in hopes that I can get back into this.

This week, the big decision has been whether to take the $100 gift card I got at work and: a) buy an $100 gift card for myself for future minor purchases, b) put it towards buying a gas grill so I can stop struggling with charcoal, or c) buying myself a decent pressure cooker. I don’t really want to feel like I frittered the card away on little purchases, although I expect most of them would be books about pregnancy and child rearing. A hundred dollars doesn’t quite make a decent grill affordable, so I would still be spending another hundred+ on the grill. And I can’t imagine what I’d use a pressure cooker for besides corned beef and cabbage. So the card is just sitting in my wallet for now.

I also found out that I might be able to take 12 weeks of maternity leave instead of 6, which is pretty awesome! Maybe, like 27, I’ll find the joy in 32 a little bit later in the year (I got married right before I turned 28). I’d like to have 6 months, but I don’t know that there’s anywhere out there that would offer so much. And not entirely sure I want to know either; I feel pretty trapped already by the knowledge that no one would hire a pregnant woman and FMLA wouldn’t help me at a new job at this point.

I’m starting to mope out loud (ish) aren’t I? That’s enough of that.